I never thought I would be the type of mother to cry when my son grew. I wanted to truly be in each and every moment, not worrying about the past or future in case I might miss something in the now. While pregnant each kick was a joy, but so was the aching back and tired toes. I knew it wouldn’t last. Things never do. Then the other day my throat became full of cotton and tears welled in my eyes when I saw a forgotten picture of my little boy. I didn’t understand. Why do mothers cry over the past?
Time Speeds By
Mothers bring home their tiny human who was meant to fit in their arms. Days mix with nights making them seem endless. It is so easy to miss how each morning the newborn baby is different. Eyebrows thicken. The once gummy smile fills with teeth. Before you know it, the Chewbacca cry they use to make is never heard again. The scrunched face they made while eating toast is left only in half-lit photos. You are left wondering why there isn’t a pause button for childhood.
Mothers are Mourning
The past is a loss of the child a mother once knew better than anyone. She will never cradle her baby again. Her favorite sleeper is left for dust. So when a mother sees that tiny sock, sweet video, or watches them walk to school like a big boy, they cry. It’s not just sentimentality or hormones; Mothers cry because they will never see their baby again. They are grieving.
The New Person is just as Great
The good news is I have an updated version of my two-year-old. The baby has disappeared, replaced by an intelligent, goofy new person. He runs around the house making siren sounds and humming. His smile is large and white. He melts me. I wouldn’t trade him for anything.
Mothers, let your tears fall for the past. Do not be ashamed, but love the moment you have now. Love the person they have become. Too soon it will be another memory.
Do you find yourself mourning the past? Let me know in the comment section below.